Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Getting along with your Mother-in-Law
I am often pleased when I meet talented individuals. I recently had the pleasure of networking with Sally Shields author of The Daughter-in-Law rules: 101 Surefire ways to make friends with your Mother-in-Law an Amazon Best Seller. I found this to be a fascinating subject matter. Fortunately, my relationship with my Mother-in-Law has been an easy and really nice one. For some it is not so easy, emotions run high between the two woman that will be a part of the groom-to-be's life. I am sure it is never too early or too late to try to establish a good relationship with your Mother-in-Law.
Here Sally shares more about her book:
What encouraged you to write the book?
I read "The Rules," a guide for single women
who want to land a husband the old-fashioned way.
I followed it to great success, and married the
man of my dreams. But after a couple of years, I
was having a hard time getting along with his
mother. I was scratching my head, going, where is
the manual for this?
I put the book together by taking each
anxiety-inducing situation I'd encountered (from
household items, to beauty techniques, to that
lovely and oh-so-appreciated advice as to how to
handle my children!) and offered myself a
solution as a tongue-in-cheek coping mechanism.
As I applied them, I noticed that my MIL's
attitude started to shift. So, I thought that
maybe I could help save other wives years of
How did you become the
When the book came
out, I started receiving hundreds of emails from
women all over the world - including Africa! The
#1 testimonial I received after offering my
support and advice was, "I wish I had this book
10 years ago!" and that is how I become the MIL
Expert! The book is based on the 7th spiritual
law of success which is: The quickest way to get
what you want is to help others get what they
want. What I mean is that I want a loving and
peaceful relationship with my husband and a
loving bond between my children and their
Grandmother. And a peaceful relationship with my
mother-in-law. Be a kindhearted, open, sensitive
person, and the world will reflect that back to
you—even in the form of your Mother -in-law. And
she may just surprise you and turn out to be an
ally— and friend!
So does this mean that, when you are staying
with your Mother-in-law, you should be polite and
do stereotypically female tasks like offer to
wash the dishes, even when your husband normally
does that sort of thing for you at home?
Yes! You should be polite and do everything
you can to help her out, such as clearing the
table, loading the dishwasher, making the bed,
and offering to launder the sheets when you
leave. It is also a nice touch to strip the
pillowcases and fold the blankets neatly upon the
bed upon departure. You should also empty the
facility in the guest bathroom, and store all of
your toiletries in your suitcase or under the
vanity while you are staying there. These are
things that you are doing in a willing and
proactive manner, not only because it is the
polite thing to do, but it is also
self-preservation! You want to give your Mother
In Law as little ammunition possible for
complaining about you -- now and in the future.
What are the three best ways to make a good
impression on a Mother-in-law?
1. Call her once a week--preferably when your
husband isn't home. If you're super busy, try
aiming for her machine (i.e. like when you know
she’s at Bingo). Leave her a quick message if
only to ask how she has been feeling!
2. Compliment her often. Mother-in-laws can be
just as self-conscious as we are, so take the
time to notice how pretty, thin, healthy and
young she looks, occasionally asking if you can
borrow an item of clothing or an accessory such
as a scarf or a purse.
3. Send her cards and flowers on her 3 special
days—birthday, anniversary (if she has one), and
Mother’s day. But, here's the trick: make sure
that your MIL doesn't receive a note solely with
your handwriting on it, or she may mistakenly get
the impression that her son has forgotten her
special day ... Rather, become a great
ghostwriter, and have your husband pen it from
the both of you!
Please visit Sally, speaker, author, radio
personality and International Media Specialist at
http://www.sallyshields.com for contest
giveaways, free bonus gifts, Sally’s newsletter, free gifts, free music, ... and more!